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Heretic

by DeFord

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1.
2.
Scapegoat 04:29
3.
Saving Grace 04:03
4.
Idiot 04:08
5.
Not So Bad 06:16
It's not like you to mean what you say You act so serious when you're ashamed Don't kid yourself Just to spite you I'll stand in your way Don't ask too much and expect me to change I'll only miss you when you're gone I don't give and not take Tell me what page you're on When all of our past mistakes Fall into place like numbers in your cold dead mind When you don't know why And it's a long time coming, but it's worth your while Oh But if it's not so bad We'll stick to what we had We can pretend that it gets better And I'd take a break if I Wanted to waste my time Knowing we can't hold on forever Don't blame it on fate, if you do I'll make it your problem too It's okay that that's exactly what you want (shining sea) The liminal state in between What we want and what we need Doesn't seem to feel like shelter anymore It's not like me to say what I mean Feigning indifference just to feel clean I might as well Tread too lightly so nobody sees And swear that my motive's not all that it seems And run that mental marathon I don't bend and not break And if I'm stuck in the past or I'm moving too fast Let me know But if it's not so bad We gave it all we had Even if we don't know no better And I'd take a break if I Wanted to waste my time But just in case I won't say never Don't say that it won't stay the same It'll always be this way 'Cause it's fate that keeps me halfway out the door (finally) The liminal state in between What we want and what we need Doesn't seem to feel like mercy anymore Don't know when to shut your mouth Better pack your bags and sell this house I still pray 'cause I'm afraid to go back home And you'll tell me I take it out On the people that I care about And maybe that's the reason I'm alone But maybe it's not so bad Didn't know what I had But I guess nothing lasts forever I'm not ashamed this time Crossing the fine white line Thought I could save you but whatever
6.
7.
8.
Upper Hand 04:02
Checked out of reality Left town still a slave to the gravity with No friends to be proud of me When I bid farewell to the man I don't know how to be Leave me tongue-tied 'til there's no one else around On the outside looking down 'Cause expectations are the death of making plans Not my nature, but I'll try the best I can And I'll be waiting 'til I have the upper hand How long, how long? I thought that explanations were the way to break loose ends Lost all patience, but I hope you understand I'll be waiting 'til I have the upper hand How long, how long? And I'm better off losing my grip 'til the world says I'm worthy But if I gotta keep living like this I'm gonna die when I'm thirty But if it's not that bad, I won't treat it like a problem When it's the best I've had, I've got no reason to solve 'em I guess that much is plain to see Out of orbit and revolving around you Living in third person view 'Cause expectations are the death of making plans Not my nature, but I'll try the best I can And I'll be waiting 'til I have the upper hand How long, how long? I thought that explanations were the way to break loose ends Lost all patience, but I hope you understand I'll be waiting 'til I have the upper hand How long, how long? I know I'm one to make way too much out of nothing And maybe I'm afraid, I'll admit, either one But I just wanna feel like I'm fiending for something Whether it's forgiveness, or closure, or blood (...) Expectations are the reason we're both wrong You're not perfect, but I guess I'll play along And I'll be waiting even if it takes me all Night long, night long
9.
Pay For It 03:18
10.
Gold Rush 02:25
11.
12.
WALKDONTRUN 02:29
13.
Scorpion 03:14
14.
15.

about

"Dear defense mechanisms,

The tenderness I know for you is unlike any other
Though my heart beats for no one now, it loves you like a brother
I fell for God, and fell for man
and cast aside by either's plans,
I've come to understand that only you have loved me back.
No one has loved me from the start like you; perhaps my mother
but who she sees in me is just an agent undercover,
I've held the scripture in my hand,
and still I burn, forever damned
for who I am at last, the heretic who loves you back."

Question your Faith, your Hope, and your Love.

credits

released October 13, 2023

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about

DeFord Indiana

21 // lyricist, beep-booper

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