about
Feigning indifference just to feel clean
- Look, I've tried, but.. You're a parasite.
- I really understand why you feel that way. I really do. I am starting to agree with you. I just.. wish you saw it from my perspective.
- I do see it from your perspective, you're starting to agree with me.
- I.. God, why do you always put words in my mouth like that?
- I didn't put them there, you put them there, I'm literally just quoting you.
- Every time you talk to me anymore I feel like you're just correcting me.
- I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm trying to help you, you're clearly struggling, do you want my help or not?
- Help? This is what you call help?
- Not sure if you noticed but I'm the only one paying on our mortgage right now.
- Ever since we moved in together all you think about is the budget, the budget, the budget, I don't even buy food anymore because you make me feel so guilty about spending money, I eat one meal a day at most, and it's generous to even call it a meal. I haven't been called for an interview in two months, and I haven't gotten commissioned in three weeks. What am I supposed to do?
- You don't get interviews because you only apply for jobs you want. The jobs everyone wants. Do you think I have fun at my job? The job I have? Do you think I find it satisfying that all my life amounts to right now is moving boxes on and off of shelves? But it's keeping us alive, isn't it?
- Honestly? Why don't you just keep the house. Sell it, repo it, I don't care. If I'm that much of a burden to you, just either kill me or dump me already. There are people out there who have it so much worse than us. My uncle just got custody of his daughter's kid because she and her boyfriend fight so much that the kid started cutting herself because she thought she was the reason why. Don't you want to be a father? If this is all the pressure it takes for your true colors to start showing then I'm afraid of how you'd treat a kid. You're not happy. Why don't you take your own advice and do something about it?
- ...Fine. Get out of my house.
Heretic: Track 5
lyrics
It's not like you to mean what you say
You act so serious when you're ashamed
Don't kid yourself
Just to spite you I'll stand in your way
Don't ask too much and expect me to change
I'll only miss you when you're gone
I don't give and not take
Tell me what page you're on
When all of our past mistakes
Fall into place like numbers in your cold dead mind
When you don't know why
And it's a long time coming, but it's worth your while
Oh
But if it's not so bad
We'll stick to what we had
We can pretend that it gets better
And I'd take a break if I
Wanted to waste my time
Knowing we can't hold on forever
Don't blame it on fate, if you do
I'll make it your problem too
It's okay that that's exactly what you want (shining sea)
The liminal state in between
What we want and what we need
Doesn't seem to feel like shelter anymore
It's not like me to say what I mean
Feigning indifference just to feel clean
I might as well
Tread too lightly so nobody sees
And swear that my motive's not all that it seems
And run that mental marathon
I don't bend and not break
And if I'm stuck in the past or I'm moving too fast
Let me know
But if it's not so bad
We gave it all we had
Even if we don't know no better
And I'd take a break if I
Wanted to waste my time
But just in case I won't say never
Don't say that it won't stay the same
It'll always be this way
'Cause it's fate that keeps me halfway out the door (finally)
The liminal state in between
What we want and what we need
Doesn't seem to feel like mercy anymore
Don't know when to shut your mouth
Better pack your bags and sell this house
I still pray 'cause I'm afraid to go back home
And you'll tell me I take it out
On the people that I care about
And maybe that's the reason I'm alone
But maybe it's not so bad
Didn't know what I had
But I guess nothing lasts forever
I'm not ashamed this time
Crossing the fine white line
Thought I could save you but whatever
credits
from
Heretic,
track released August 4, 2023
license
all rights reserved
