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Nothing to Lose

from Heretic by DeFord

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If I never love myself I’ll never break my own heart

- Dear,
No matter how long I drag this out, I know I’ll forget something. Since I know you won’t be the first to read it, I hope whoever finds me makes sure this makes it to you. I want you to know that even though I don’t love you anymore, I do still miss you. I miss the poison that we had, because even though it would kill me, at least it was slow. All I ever really wanted was to slowly die with you, and if I have to settle for quickly dying without you, then so be it. As much of my own choice as this may be, I can’t help but feel like maybe you could’ve prevented this. And I don’t blame you for choosing not to, but the little bit of human left in me sometimes wishes that you did. And then the little bit of me that still has panic attacks when I’m high says what’s the point? And the little bit of me that still obsesses over you when I’m drunk says I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

Don’t blame yourself. I was just a heretic anyway.
See you in hell.

Heretic: Track 14

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from Heretic, released October 13, 2023

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DeFord Indiana

21 // lyricist, beep-booper

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