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swell (interlude)

from Heretic by DeFord

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- Dizzying dizzying dizzying clammy hands with shaky palms racing thoughts and try to stay calms and dizzying dizzying dizzying and cursing the world for the way that it made you and holding all your terrors closest to your heart and asking why praying doesn't work anymore and dizzying dizzying dizzying letting the sweat on your thighs pierce the vapor in the humid stagnant summer air and cursing the air that you breathe for closing your lungs like a sieve in reverse and dizzying dizzying dizzying feeling the pit in your chest sink into your bowels and shutting down and thinking about not thinking and not thinking about thinking and seeing so inside out you start to see outside in and suddenly none of it matters. You're free.
- You're free free free and you're dandy and you're swell and you're peachy and all you can do is look at yourself your dizzy dizzy dizzy self and laugh at him because he feels everything and you feel nothing and you wouldn't want it any other way
- You finally feel nothing and now you can finally heal and in the absence of pain you grow like ivy around the bricks in your liver and the stones in your heart and the walls in your brain that separate your reason from your emotion and you are bound by neither and you expand beyond the boundaries that contain your sense of self from spilling into the other and you swell like a bruise because you're finally healing
- You've earned it

Heretic: Track 7

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from Heretic, released October 13, 2023

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DeFord Indiana

21 // lyricist, beep-booper

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